A Message from Your Spiritual Mentor

Havoon Al’aaf  is a spiritual mentor, professional speaker and author of ‘Transferring Your Bank Balance to Me'.  Subscribe to my newsletter ‘Honestly, Are You Genuinely That Stupid?’

Having worked on the family donut stand, the corporate world and my own personal development companies for most of the last 6 months, I asked the question: "so what?"  I was no longer satisfied with mere personal success and achievements. That may be fun and all well and good, but surely there was much more to living than we were led to believe? Money, fast cars, speed boats.  What do they represent?  What spiritual value do they have?  So I set out to destroy my reliance on all these worthless trappings. My aim was to live simply and harmoniously with the planet. But the dissatisfation with success itself was more problematical. How exactly do you divest yourself of personal success and achievements? I mean, if I set out to destroy all my doings, once I’d disposed of them I would have achieved that goal and I would have become successful again.  So it became clear that in order to get rid of all this personal success and achievement I had to fail and fail pretty miserably at something.  So I chose one of my goals, the one that said I was to dispose of all my wealth and posessions and fail at it. And to make sure my humiliation was complete I had to fail pretty miserably.  But here I was in a bit of a Catch 22 situation. I could only achieve what I set out to do if I failed to achieve it.  Or, to put it the other way, I could only fail by failing to fail and thereby achieve.  Anyway, the upshot was that I should become as rich as possible in order to give myself the satisfaction of living at one with the world.  Meanwhile I could thoroughly castigate myself for failing to dispose of all this wealth. And at the same time to make my secret known to you so that you too can fail abjectly in your life and lose everything you have in a spectacular and unprecedented style.

From the especially auspicious date of the 13^th  of August 2013, last week, I began my long and arduous journey into investigating and understanding the nature of human being as part of Nature and a greater Cosmos. It soon became pretty obvious that you aren’t going to be able to work this out for yourselves.  And you would need some spiritual leader like me to sort it all out for you.  For a very reasonable price. I spent hours on Wikipaedia researching the works of cosmetic company scientists, rock musicians and general charlatans. That journey still continues today and as soon as I’ve finished my coffee I will begin my next great work of the compilation a number of quotes from some of these teachers and others who have practised some of the greatest deceits and manipulations that the public accept as 'truth'.  And where I can’t find quotes to fit my ideas I will make them up.

In reality, each individual is a powerful being with infinite potential that is beyond your comprehension. But I recognise that you are too stupid ever to do anything about it. I access this potential for you by tapping into your bank balance, which is far more profound and interesting to me on my quest than your own personal creativity. There is no way of stopping a person from reaching into creativity except through fear which is triggered by the survival mechanism.  So I guarantee to scare the pants off you each time you access your credit card statement.

In my first book, ‘Transferring Your Bank Balance to Me', I will reveal some of the greatest illusions that have been created to keep you in a state of fear and survival. I also reveal how to circumnavigate the barrage of illusions so that you can enjoy the success and power that you already possess. But by the time you get to chapter 2 you will be so bored by all my nonsense and my unutterably turgid literary style you’ll never make it.  Ha ha Suckers.

‘Transferring Your Bank Balance to Me' will be available in eBook format, print and audio-book as soon as I can be bothered to do anything about it.