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Thursday, August 29, 2013

Your Path to Even More Spiritual Enlightenment




Havoon al’aaf presents a series of mini-masterclasses on WHY YOU CAN’T BE BOTHERED TO WORK THINGS OUT FOR YOURSELF … the key to unlocking & navigating your path to his bank account.
Designed to facilitate bringing your pin numbers and bank account pass words out of your head and into the real world – Havoon presents some of his finely tuned processes and games to Decrease substantially the levels of your bank balance and make sure you are donating from a 100% inspired and empowered current account surplus. Helping people to take their personal donations to the next level and beyond, Havoon’s mini-masterclasses offer the usual recipe of total bollocks dressed up as some spurious scientific stuff and top tips to encourage people to marvel at his own success. He will convince you that all he says is absolutely true because he has a white coat and a clipboard.
Havoon is now leading uniquely transformative workshops and one-on-one sessions. Drawing from the richly diverse wisdom, techniques and processes he has encountered during his ground-breaking work on the donut stall in the foothills of the Himalayas, he is weaving these creative techniques and exercises to spark both Personal account and credit card breakthroughs.
The Ring of Truth
The talks include an overview of the history, science and practice of both the Europe jam-filled doughnut and US ring donut traditions and instructions on how to engage the wider holistic benefits of charlatanism and conscious avoidance of anything with the ring of truth which these practices offer.  See how possible it is to believe something because it was posted to you by a friend of a friend on facebook. And how much easier it is to believe stuff when you don’t have to think about where it came from or whether it makes any sense at all.  This is where Havoon had his unique insight.  He will affirm that all this rubbish is true and you merely have to repost it and just accept it as fact. After you have completed a fortnight’s Juice Diet as part of the regime he will email you a certificate that you can print on the best paper you can find.  This proves that you have been experienced the first stage of transformation into Certified Mug status.

Manifest your Memes

See how it is possible to manifest your ill thought out and ridiculous ideas into the real world simply by the power of thought. See how by simply joining hands around a field designated for a Fracking well spiritually aware people have caused tap water to flow green even though no drilling has actually taken place.  See how possible it is to believe that the sky is being deliberately poisoned by Chemtrails merely by ignoring the obvious fact that  if you fill up all those aeroplanes with tanks of chemicals you would have no room for the passengers or the fuel. Duh. What Havoon doesn’t want you to know is that if you spent half as long studying physics, Chesmistry and Biology as the hours you spend reposting all this stuff you would actually find out a great deal more about the inner workings of your mind and you wouldn’t keep falling for all that nonsense. However it’s better for him that you don’t so keep reposting those memes guys.

Here are some quotes for you to repost:
"Hey, this guy is really on to something" – Albert Einstein
"What?" – John Lennon
"Haven’t got a clue" – Sigmund Freud
"The Truth?  You can’t handle the truth" – the Dalai Lama
"Religion is where a bunch of people believe unthinkingly in what their messiah says. What I say to my followers is the truth. No really, it is.  Honestly.  Trust me I’ve been on the tele" – Richard Dawkins

Soon after he started teaching, Havoon received the traditional Tibetan “authorisation to make donuts” from his teacher Lama Rama Ringdong, which was not only a great honour to have received, but also a valuable seal of approval from such a highly regarded Charlatan.
  •  He will share his own experience of donut making to inspire you with the confidence that anyone can enter the acutely impoverished state.
  •  He will explore his groundbreaking ‘torusological’ philosophy that will help you become conscious of the spiritual shallowness of your being, and also exploitatively embrace your vulnerable humanity.
  •  He will invite you to directly experience the wonderful oneness and all-embracing love that naturally arises when we hand over our cash to him
He is best known for his groundbreaking work on the Wonderful World of Facebook including The Mystery is Why the heck Does Anybody Believe this Stuff in the First Place?, and You only have to look it up on Snopes which never made it to the top 10 best-seller in the UK and USA, and nor did it become ‘Book of the Year’ in the UK Daily Telegraph. He runs Stupidity Experience Retreats internationally, during which he personally guides participants to hand over their wallets.

Obviously you will believe everything he says because he’s much cleverer than you are and you really can’t be arsed to find out the truth even if it’s only looking it up a bit on Wikipaedia.
He is pioneering an accessible new way to experience a profound bank balance awakening, which fully embraces our tender, vulnerable, flawed humanity. He has spent his life exploring the awakened state he often simply calls the ‘Where did all my savings go? experience and is able to guide others directly to it.
He is the founder of The Society for Exploiting Poor Suckers in Society, (SEPSIS), an organization dedicated to our collective bamboozlement.

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